Thursday's column about the Wawa in the Northeast Philly that has a hugging problem prompted this email from Cindy Newman, which she allowed me to post:
As a recently retired law enforcement officer having read your column today regarding hugs at a local WaWa Store I was sadly reminded of an incident that occurred during my career. I was blessed to have spent the last 17 years working in S. Florida in a school-based policing program. We were a pro-active unit whose purpose was not just enforcement. We saw our students everyday, taught in the classrooms, built positive relationships with them outside of the arena of law enforcement. We were part of their everyday lives and I loved everyday I went to work with "my" kids.
There was one young man about 12 years ago who became very dear to me. He was 17 years old, at the time the same age as my son. He and I became friendly and over the course of the school year he shared so much of his life with me. He had been thrown out of his home by his mother and was living with his elderly grandmother. He hadn't seen his father in years. He had been a drug abuser, was involved in the "Goth" scene and was struggling to stay clean. His grades weren't very good. Every morning before school he would look for me as I was greeting the incoming students. He stayed with me until class started, sharing details of his weekend, his evening, his life. I listened, I advised, I counseled, we laughed. I then walked with him to homeroom where I gave him a brief hug, patted his back and told him to have a good day. This was our morning ritual everyday for many months.
One morning I was met by my Captain who needed to have a "chat" with me. Someone had called the police department and complained that they felt it "inappropriate" that I was hugging this young man everyday. They weren't suggesting any wrong doing; they just thought it was wrong. As a result of that phone call I was told that I could no longer hug or touch this young man. When he came to find me that morning I explained the new rules to him and he was very upset. He told me that he counted on seeing me every morning and "needed" that hug and send-off to class, that it "got him through the day". I told him that as sorry as I was, I could spend time with him in the morning, but no more hugs.
Less than a month after the "ban on hugging and touching" was initiated I was devastated to find when I arrived on duty one morning that he had committed suicide the day prior. He drove his car off the roof level of a parking garage and ended his life. What a sad ending for a troubled young man. I wondered then, and I still do now, if those morning hugs, those few seconds of human touch, really were what "got him through the day".
It is a sorry commentary about our lot as human beings when a simple hug, the warmth of human touch, a pat on the back has been deemed "inappropriate". As humans we require touch, it's how we show feeling, compassion, warmth and caring. If more people hugged their spouses, their children, their friends and occasionally the stranger-in-need, only positive repercussions I'm sure, would be the result.
Jennifer Horvay describes herself as a "hugger". Let those hugs keep on coming, Jennifer...people need them.